Time

Is a funny thing. (Humor me, I'm feeling a bit philosophical all of a sudden.) We perceive it to go by at varying speeds, but it is measured consistently.

I'm at a point in my life where I am torn: wanting time to speed up so I can just get there and also wanting it to slow down because I'm not ready! I don't want to check out and not live life here in the present. Too often we're too busy looking forward or backward to savor today. As the cliched saying goes: Stop and smell the roses.
I have an aversion to the feeling of having wasted time. This means I sometimes overburden myself with busy-ness just to keep myself occupied. I'm trying to learn to enjoy the journey instead of wanting to hurry up and reach the destination. It's complicated though. Just by being we are loved by God. But that isn't the end. We are called to do good deeds that demonstrate our faith in tangible ways. Probably one of the greatest compliments we can receive from God at the end of life is, "well done, good and faithful one."

Somehow in the last month or so, things have managed slowed down. I've had a lot of time to think. Too much perhaps and yet not enough at the same time. For the most part, my ponderings have been about the past. As I reflect on the last year or so of my life, I'm struck by how much older I feel. I've probably always been a bit mature for my age, but I notice more of a change now. Usually the years creep up on you, passing almost unnoticed like a stranger on a busy sidewalk. Somewhere in there, the big milestones fall that give you more adult responsibility--being able to drive, vote, etc.

I've experienced a couple of those milestones recently that give me pause. For the first time since I can remember, I'm not in school. Instead, I have a job that insures me. How independent. Between deciding what to make for dinner, what classes to take, and what to do after graduation, I think I grew up. Sort of.

With so many life changes during this tumultous transition stage, I forget how unchangeable God is.