Here's a blast from the past that I consider a formative event in directing me to where I am now:
This winter break was the most refreshing ever. While the last few days were gearing up for class, before that, while I was home it consisted of mostly downtime, otherwise the rest was intense. I was busy with family and roadtrips. Those roadtrips changed my life. I learned so much. If I had to describe them concisely: heart-stretching, challenging, eye-opening would be phrases I'd use. If you're interested in my elaboration, read on.
First, right after Christmas, I went to Urbana—the Intervarsity Missions conference held once every 3 years. (www.urbana.org) This year it was in St. Louis, Missouri. So I'm really involved in the Navigator ministry, what was I doing at an IV missions conference? I'm pretty sure I asked myself the same question at least once. But I responded with something like, "looking for God and seeking His calling in my life." Honestly who during their college years isn't looking for their calling—what they should do with their life, who they should be, etc? I want a purpose. I want my life to matter, to have meaning. Sounds selfish admittedly—but deep down that's what everyone desires, right? To make a difference somehow and leave a legacy. We crave something that will go beyond the here and now. We want to be remembered after we die.
Anyway it turns out that Urbana's theme was all about purpose and calling. 22,000 college-aged students gathering together to explore that in light of the book of Ephesians was pretty incredible. I thought going to UW would have prepared me for that number of people. Not even close. Class passing times in the heart of campus are nothing to droves of students looking for lunch in downtown St. Louie. The conferences were exhausting and overwhelming, but God gave me the strength, energy, and everything else I needed to have a blast. I know it's illogical, but there was no natural explanation for how I could thrive those 5 days as an introvert surrounded by thousands with no way to escape to solitude. What was so amazing about Urbana? The inspiring speakers, moving meetings, rocking worship-so diverse-praising God in different languages, unbelievable overflowing opportunities, and exposure to the heartbreak of AIDS and the hardship of poverty—something I have otherwise felt so removed from in my sheltered bubble.
I didn't know what to expect, but it far exceeded what I could have imagined. I'm still reflecting on what I learned. Processing to find something practical I can walk away with and implement into my daily routine is tough because there's so much and of course it's difficult to get out of a rut and stay out. More than anything, I don't want to settle. Everyone is settling for something less than the best that is there for them so a little bit of that person is dying each day that they do. I don't mean to be more ambitious because in seeking fame, fortune, power, prestige you are seeking something that will fade and fail. No matter how hard you try it won't last. So choose to invest in and chase immortality. Very few things are eternal, but I know them. Alright at this point you could be asking, what is she on? To which I say, my faith in Jesus Christ. Maybe you're wondering how a smart girl like me got brainwashed by this Christianity business. Well I didn't. But I was washed clean from my mistakes. Granted I still screw up all the time and I'm sorry if you've ever be hurt by anything I did or said, but grace is beautiful and so gradually I am being transformed.
Ok, I could go on and retell every detail from Urbana, but you kind of had to be there, (even though the sessions are posted on the web) so you should go—there's something for everyone.
A few days after I got back, I headed out to Colorado fro the Nav conference at their home in Colorado Springs—Glen Eyrie. With the spring break trip I took last year, going to the Glen felt a lot like a homecoming. It's beautiful, it's a castle (see below), and it was a winter wonderland before we had any snow here.
How can you go wrong? Sure I probably spent as much time in the car on the way there and back as I did in Colorado, but it was so worth it, that I would do it all over again. The conference was promoting EDGE corps, an opportunity for college grads to get their feet wet in Nav ministry full-time. (www.edgecorps.com) 2 years ago, if you had told me I would be seriously considering fulltime ministry I would have laughed in your face and thought you were crazy. But God changes people. He's definitely been transforming me from the inside out. Honestly I think it was only last year that I got serious about doing medical missions because it made sense to take my Spanish knowledge and desire to help others especially in a medical capacity abroad, which is where I want to go. Urbana broadened my vision and as a result I don't care where I go, what I do, as long as I go and serve my Savior.
Anyway, once again we had a weekend of great speakers and Bible study to help us ponder—what are you calling me to, God? Marveling at the gorgeous creation around us wasn't bad either. Have you ever thought about how ridiculous water is? An it's just one of the hundred some elements! Or look at how your body works, all the billions of cells functioning together in unity--how does that happen by chance?
I want to change lives. But I'm scared. I feel inadequate. Doesn't everybody at some point? It was challenging and comforting in both conferences to think of the huge need in the world to mend the brokenness and how insignificant I feel because I am. How can little, shy Kelly Leaver do anything that matters? Well I can't, but Christ can. Consider what this Jewish carpenter coming out of Nazareth has already achieved in the past couple millenia. We can't see God, but that doesn't mean He isn't present, moving, active, real and true. Putting my trust in Him seems like a huge risk, but then I think about how secure my life is as a result with my eternal destiny in His capable hands and I rest easy. I can have peace and confidence and joy because I know it isn't up to me. I should exude these qualities much more since the pressure is off and what a great feeling that is. It used to be pretty easy to profess to being a Christian on Sundays and go through the motions. But it is hard to live as a hypocrite all your life. I'm not perfect and I won't be on this side of heaven, but by God's grace one day it will happen. It's not easy being obedient to this heavenly Father, but it's worth it. I've found there's no turning back once you've tasted His goodness. Don't take my word for it. Take His. Read it, study it, live it. Give it a try. What do you have to lose? The gain is beyond compare and truly out of this world though it comes at a cost.
A glimpse of Urbana. The last night.
And yes we are worshipping in Spanish.
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